Friday, May 10, 2013

I lost it somewhere...

I don't really believe in the term "use it or lose it" as an absolute.  When we have become familiar with a task, we retain it.  Certainly, going for a long period without practice can have set backs, but in my experience the knowledge always resurfaces after a little while. 

Unfortunately, I deal with this quite often when it comes to creative endeavors.  I allow myself, as I must have said in at least one other post on this very blog (and cannot now be bothered to read for it), to become distracted by things that I ultimately find were a waste of my time.  Caught up in video games or watching television, or just laying on the floor, staring at the carpet while slowly falling asleep...

When I have these lapses - which is, to maintain the track record of honesty, just about all the time - it is writing and drawing that fall by the wayside.  Now, to be clear, drawing is little more than a hobby.  I don't expect that it's anything I'll ever make a living from, and I am fine with that.  I still enjoy doing it from time to time, and I have put money into supplies because I take pleasure from it.  I don't think I'm very good, and I'm usually all right with it.  I'll go weeks or sometimes months between drawing spurts, and there's always a little bit of a hill to crest in getting back into it.

Writing, on the other hand, is what I've been telling myself I want to do for years.  Somewhere around twelve, to be as precise as my spotty memory can be.  I think that I have talent for it, and I think also that at some point along the road I have honed that talent into some semblance of legitimate skill.  It is one of the few things that I do that I actually have a bit of confidence in.  And, over and over again, I fall out of the habit of doing it.  And every time I do it, no matter if its for weeks or months, there's always that same hill to climb to get back into the swing.

Occasionally, inspiration strikes when I am still at the base of the hill, and my writing muscles bulge with supernatural strength borne of a creative spirit in full swing.  They tense like springs and then launch me over that hill, and as I pass I tell the hill exactly what it can do with itself.

But the majority of the time, it's much more difficult than that.  I always get back into my flow eventually, but these breaks undermine my confidence.  They make me second-guess myself, and I think they also draw my focus away from what I feel should matter in my writing.  I've never lost the skill by not using it, but it certainly develops a thick, rusty coating.  And when I'm chipping away at that rust, and flakes are flying, I'm bound to get some in my hair.

I really hate getting stuff like that in my hair.

Eventually, I hope that I can overcome the issues that I impose on myself.  I'll happily share advice on how to manage that with all the world when that day comes, because I know I'm not the only one that struggles in this way.  I'm trying to get back into writing again, as I've decided to take part in a short story anthology that's being...I suppose sponsored is the right term?...by an RPG podcast I have listened to regularly for the last several years called Fear the Boot ( http://www.feartheboot.com/ftb/ ).  I'll have more details on that as details are finalized; as of now the deadline for final drafts is sometime in June or July.

The writing has been hard.  I have ideas aplenty; they rattle around in my head and bounce off one another, and entire scenes and pieces of dialogue sprout from the fertile soil of my mind (which is probably not soil at all, but that varying degree of insanity that any creative person seems required to possess).  I know what needs to happen for this story.  I've seen almost every part of it in my mind's eye, I know that one I want to catch.  I even think I know the message my subconscious intended for it in conceiving the idea.

But getting that onto paper?

Well, shit...isn't that what writing is?  It might do me good to rethink my aspirations.

...but, then again, I'm lazy.  I'll just keep at it.

Also, you should check out Hrodebert O'Glendale's blog that he recently started up - especially if you are a fan of poetry in general.  http://hr0debert.blogspot.com

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